When I'm this alive
by HurricaneClover
Summary: Set after 7A Finale. Trying to figure out where to go from that night is hard. But maybe, just maybe, they'll make it. They just need some time to heal.
1. Prologue

_I really, really wanted to read this fic, but since no one wrote it, I decided to try my hand at it._

PROLOGUE.

Toby signed his discharge papers and let the nurse help him into his wheelchair. The familiarity of it brought him back a lot of memories. They were old pals. Him, the wheelchair and the white cast high above his knee. He didn't know how much more that leg could take before being rendered useless, but since the surgeons put it back together without any complication, he figured it could take a few more beatings. But he promised to keep it off the floor, mostly because he knew someday he might want to run around after his children.

"Is anyone picking you up, Mr. Cavanaugh?" His doctor asked, entering the room with his chart in his hands. The nurse passed along his discharge papers, bid the patient farewell, and left, just as a tall raven haired woman knocked on the open door.

"I'm his ride." She said silently, setting her bag on the nearest surface she could find and inching closer to Toby in his wheelchair.

"Emily." He exhaled a sigh and smiled up at her.

"Glad to see you vertical. Well… bent, I guess." She cringed at her own words, but he laughed. "Is there anything I should know before taking him home?" Emily straightened her back, turning towards the ortho surgeon.

"His prescriptions have been filled, painkillers, antibiotics, nothing out of the ordinary. He's supposed to keep off that foot. I'd say keep the wheelchair for a couple of days, and then he can move on to the crutches." He explained to both of them, Emily nodding her head to show she understood. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks, and if you need anything you can call me." The doctor's stretched hand held a card, which Toby took silently and placed on his lap, before thanking the doctor.

"I figured you would need a place to crash." The brunette muttered, after watching the surgeon leave. She turned back to Toby, her face showing a bitter look.

"I thought you were staying at Lucas' loft." Toby ignored the look she threw in his direction and grabbed his wallet. He wasn't sure he'd need to call his doctor, but it was better to keep the card, just in case.

"Eh." She waved her hand. "Between my mom, Hanna and Ali, I'm never two nights in a row at the same place. I think I might be becoming a nomad." She chuckled, picking up an overnight bag from the foot on his bed. "But right now, you need me more. Hanna has Caleb, Ali is still trying to figure things out. So we're stuck with my mom. I hope that's alright, she got the guest room ready and all."

"Thanks, Em. I-"

"It's okay. We don't have to talk about it. Yet." She placed a hand on his shoulder before walking behind his wheelchair. "Let's see how fast this thing can run." Emily laughed, placing his bag in his hands before pushing him out to the hallway, and then to her car.

* * *

Once settled in guest room of the Fields' home, Toby sighed as his back hit the pillow, propped up in the headboard so he could stay sitting. His friend walked in with a mug, she quickly sat it on the bedside table, and placed an extra pillow under his casted leg, then sat beside him on the double bed.

"How is she?" Toby's head was down, his fingers were fiddling amongst themselves and he couldn't help but feel nervous about asking.

"Which one?"

"Either. Both." He shrugged and looked up to see Emily's coffee colored eyes.

"I checked on Yvonne before I went to see you. She was being discharged as well." Emily criss crossed her legs, and turned slightly so she could see him properly, without craning her neck. "Look, I don't know what happened between you, but she wasn't at all thrilled to see me. She assured me she was fine, though. A small bump on her head, a broken wrist and a few bruises."

Toby closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The accident right outside Rosewood had left both of them broken. The argument they had in the car may or may not have led them to it. He was marrying Yvonne; they were skipping town altogether so they could build a family in Maine. It didn't seem fair to her to keep his encounter with Spencer earlier that day a secret. He gathered up the courage to tell her minutes after they were loaded in the truck, heading out of town. Toby eased into the conversation, but it seemed like Yvonne just knew. She knew he was leaving, not just because of her, but because it was Spencer's request. It became clear that Toby would do anything for Spencer Hastings. And though Yvonne knew he loved her, and he loved her a lot, she had no doubt in her mind that he still loved his ex girlfriend, no matter how much he'd try to convince both of them otherwise.

"Spencer kissed me." He offered, dragging a hand through his hair. "She came to the house while I was checking the truck. She said it was just to say goodbye, but there was something else, Em." It may have been embarrassment, or frustration, but Emily felt her heart tugging when she saw her longtime friend burying his head in his hands.

"And you told Yvonne about it? Is that why she's avoiding you?" As much as she didn't mean to pry, she was curious. Her friend Toby was a golden man, rightfully educated, honest and the purest soul she knew, even after all those years of torment.

"She was saying we should hold it all off before I lost control of the vehicle. I don't know what happened, Emily, but the stirring wheel just had a life of it's own."

"A.D. happened." She muttered, but that was a story for yet another time. "It wasn't your fault. The accident, that is. But I'm sorry… about Yvonne."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." They fell silent shortly after. Emily mentally slapped her forehead for forgetting to give him the teacup she brought in, before she babied him with all her pillows.

"The tea might be a bit cold now, I can make another cup if you want." He shook his head, accepting the cooling tea mug she offered after stretching over him to get it from the nightstand.

"And Spencer?" After looking at his light brown tea for more than a few seconds, he decided to ask. Emily scratched her forehead before responding.

"She's… getting better. They want to keep her for a few more days, just to make sure. But she's been awake for a while, nagging us about not being able to go home."

"Sounds like Spencer. I can't believe Jenna wou-" He got himself worked up and fussed a little, trying to find a better position. His good leg was starting to feel numb.

"Who told you?" She leaned her head to the side and squinted her eyes, trying to remember who else would have visited him with the need to babble about it.

"Hanna let it out. She was distressed about Spencer being unconscious, but was glad to see I was okay. She blurted it before she could bite her tongue. I- just. I'm sorry. She's my sister and I-"

"Step sister." Emily corrected him with a harsh tone. "Don't you dare imply you're related to her. You're not. And it's not your fault, Toby. She was out to get us long before we were even friends." Saying it was actually Ali's fault would hurt both of them, she just kept quiet about it, because she firmly believed Alison had changed. "You should rest, Toby. My mother should be back from the grocery store soon, and I'm going to help her with dinner. I'll bring you some when it's ready. The TV should work fine, help yourself to some Netflix." With that, she got off the bed, taking the remote from beside the television and offering it to him. "Ring the bell if you need anything." She joked, giving him a kiss on the cheek and turning around to leave.

There was not much he could do now besides rest.

* * *

The next morning came all too soon. After having the tomato soup Emily and Mrs. Fields made for dinner, he decided to call it a night and try to sleep. His stay at the hospital had only been easy because each night before he fell asleep, he tried to imagine how he could fix the situation he was in. One night he imagined Yvonne would forgive him for whatever it was she thought he was guilty of, not just for kissing Spencer and then telling her, but for a multitude of small things she may hold against him. The second night he imagined Spencer there, ready to fix everything that was broken. On the third night he imagined what it would be like if his mother was there to care for him, in that special way only a mother could, even though he was a grown up man. He hadn't made up a reality where Emily would pick him up, but he was glad she did. The possibility of his father coming to help him were slim, Toby couldn't even remember the last time they talked. Probably at his engagement dinner; that seemed like a lifetime ago.

Tired of feeling sorry for himself, he tried his best at taking a proper shower, put on some fresh clothes – much slower than he would have, if that dang cast wasn't rubbing some of his skin raw, or if he had all of his mobility. Not that he could complain, the painkillers were working wonders and almost felt normal, as he ran a hand through his damp hair.

Thankful that the guest room at the Fields' house was downstairs, he made his way to the living room, where he could see Emily placing a jar of orange juice on the dinner table.

"Morning, Toby. How did that old mattress treat you?" The tan girl smiled widely as he wheeled himself closer.

"Not bad, not bad at all, considering I'm as good as homeless." He chuckled, accepting a toast his friend offered.

"Is there anyway to get the house back?" Knowing Toby and Yvonne had successfully sold the house he built her, just before they were due to leave Rosewood.

"The sale was final, but as soon as I can get around town, I'll find a more permanent place to stay. At least until I figure out what to do." Emily nodded, piling eggs and bacon onto his plate.

"Just don't rush yourself out of here. I like having you near." She winked at him, and plated some breakfast for herself. "I have to work today; my mom won't be back until six. I'll probably be here shortly after, if you want me to drive your chair around town to get some air."

"That would be great, Em. Thanks."

"Do you want me to tell Yvonne you're staying here? If you're both ready, maybe it would be nice for you to talk to each other." Toby was trying to help her clear the table after their breakfast, but she had none of it. Quickly, everything was back where it was supposed to be and Toby settled on the couch, a book in hands. He sighed at her request, but nodded.

"If she doesn't agree to it, just tell her I'm sorry." He would be there when she was ready to talk.

It's was just after one that he heard the doorbell ring. He didn't want to get his hopes up, thinking it was Yvonne just to have the UPS guy deliver a package for Mrs. Fields. So he called out that he'd be a minute and hopped onto his wheelchair. Him and his old friend were right back to working well together. Toby easily opened the door and exhaled a breath he didn't even know he was holding when he saw Yvonne right outside the door.

"Hi." The woman before him greeted shyly. Beside a busted lip, a wrist on a sling and a bump on the forehead, she looked pretty much the same as before the accident. Toby moved his chair out of the way so she could come inside. Yvonne gracefully stepped on the welcome matte, cleaning invisible dirt from her shoes before walking in.

"I'm so sorry, Yvonne." It was the first time he said anything in the minutes since she got there. It didn't feel fair to say hi and ask how she was.

"For us or for the accident?" She questioned, there was no venom in her voice, just plain curiosity. They were sitting on the couch, Yvonne playing with a throw pillow, and Toby in front of her. Not actually on the couch, he felt it would be better to have at least some sort of mobility if she decided to run away soon after stepping inside.

"Both, I never meant to hurt you. Emotionally or physically."

"The accident wasn't your fault Toby, you know that." For the first time, she looked at him straight in the eyes; he knew she wasn't lying. She didn't blame him for the accident at all.

"And everything else?" He asked attentively, focusing on her face, ready to read any emotion she might show.

"Everything else is… complicated." She ran her good hand through her face, exhausted from the last few days. "You're a decent man, Toby. The most honest man I know. I think that's why you couldn't keep that last bit of information from me. Kissing your ex girlfriend isn't the end of the world to me."

"It isn't?" He was fidgeting on his chair, trying hard to understand what that would mean.

"It isn't. If it had been just a kiss, than we would have been fine. But it wasn't. I know it wasn't, and even if you can't admit it, you feel it." She sounded so sincere, it hurt.

He was at loss for words, he swallowed hard and she took it as a sign to keep going. He wasn't going to interrupt her.

"I always knew there was something about you, that you kept a secret. Not just from me, but from yourself. You buried those feelings and willed them to go away, and you believed they did. I can see it in your eyes that they didn't." Setting the throw pillow on the seat next to her, she reached forward and took one of his hand in hers.

"Toby, I know you love me, I have no doubt of it. And I love you too. And that's why this is so hard." She reluctantly let go of his hand, so she could brush the tears that was falling from her eyes. It was a hard job having a sentimental conversation with only one available hand. "Spencer tried her best to be the bigger person here, and I appreciate her for the effort. But I think it's my turn now. As much as I love you, as much as letting you go hurts, I just know it's the right thing to do. Some say love is holding on, and some say it's letting go, right?" Leave it up to her to quote a cheesy 80's song while breaking up with him. He swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry." It was all he could say, again. He knew he loved her. But he knew he loved Spencer too. If he wasn't brave enough to make a decision for all of them, Yvonne surely was.

She didn't say anything else. She gingerly took his hand back and kissed it's back softly. He didn't bother wiping away his tears and she got up and left.

* * *

"Stop babying me, I'm fine." Spencer slapped Hanna's hand as the blonde tried to feed her jell-o. Hanna sighed, she was trying to brighten the mood and redeem herself at the same time. Redeem herself from kidnapping Noel and messing their lives yet again, and from the guilt that ate her up because she was back with Caleb.

"At least let me throw that out then, if I do remember, it tastes like dirty water and cough syrup." Without waiting for a reply, she simply took the container off the tray and threw it in the bin.

"You are impossible. I already told you it was not your fault." Spencer rubbed her eyes in frustration. "And about Caleb, you don't have to keep apologizing for your feelings. You should never apologize for being happy, Han." The blond smiled brightly. She had been crazy jealous for the duration of Spencer's relationship with her high school sweetheart, even if she had said plenty of times that she was okay with it. Spencer knew how it felt to be in Hanna's end of the bargain. And maybe letting go of both those men would set her free to be herself. At least for a little while.

"Fine, but if I were you I'd accept at least the free pedicure. Before you say anything, it's not an apology, I just really want to see those toes painted bright red." Hanna smiled, and Spencer did too. The brunette could pin point the exact time where her friend had stopping being the foolish Hanna she knew and loved. The doll house, and being held captive and tortured by Noel had made the blonde woman rough around the edges. Now, anytime foolish Hanna decided to surface, Spencer was glad, and for the most part she went along with it.

"Have a blast." She gave in, shaking her head. "Have you talked to Aria?"

Hanna was neck deep in her bag, searching for the infamous red nail polish. She slowly let go of the bag, and sat on the chair closest to Spencer.

"Spence, you have a lot to worry about without adding Aria and Ezra to the mix. Focus on yourself, for once."

Spencer grabbed a pillow that was sitting close to her lap and dragged it through her face in frustration. "I have spent the last four days worrying about myself, let me worry about someone else for a change." She let out, annoyed. Sure, she had a lot on her plate, with getting shot, discovering her whole life was a lie and learning about Toby's accident. She may be stuck in a hospital bed, but she wanted her best friends to know she was there if they needed her.

Hanna proceeded to tell all the new developments in the Ezria business, and truth be told, most of it sucked for their tiny friend.

"She must be devastated. To see something like that on the news? Jeesh."

"Aria is a though cookie, just like you." Hanna squeezed her friend's hand and was about to grab the nail polish back when a knock on the door interrupted her. Veronica Hastings softly opened the door and waited to be allowed in. Things had been rocky since Mary Drake simply blurted about being Spencer's biological mother. It was difficult for Spencer to see her mom so fragile, like there was someone trying to steal her place in her daughter's life. She had never seen her mother that way, not even when she thought her parents were sure to be divorced.

"Mrs. Hastings, hi." The blue eyed woman got up from her chair quickly. "I'll leave you two alone. But don't think I'll forget about those toes, Spence. Say it with me: deep red." She laughed, picking up her purse and blowing a kiss to her friend. "Call me, if you need me." Hanna left, closing the door behind her to give them the privacy she was sure they wanted.

"Mommy." Spencer said, a childish vibe to her raspy voice, arms outstretched, silently asking the older woman for a hug. When she was a teenager, up until when she was labelled as a person of interest in Alison's murder, Spencer always thought her parents cared less for her than they did Melissa. Even if Veronica was a workaholic and barely had time for some much needed mother-daughter time, Spencer had learned to understand that her mom always had her back, no matter what.

"I didn't think I'd ever hear you call me that again." Veronica sighed in relief, kicking off her heels and hopping on the bed to hug her youngest. She sat back up after a while, capturing both of Spencer's hands in hers.

"You'll always be my mom, no matter what." Even if she had another mother now, she valued the upbringing she had, even with the bumps along the way. Even if she was stubborn, had a knack for stealing – be it a paper from her sister's, to her sister's wedding ring, to an art gallery -, had a hard time hearing the word 'no', she was slowly understanding that her parents had always wanted what was best for her. Even if it wasn't what she had in mind herself. Well, specially if it wasn't what she had in mind.

"I'm glad you know that, honey. But we do have to talk about it." Veronica placed a finger under her daughter's chin, lifting her head so they could keep eye contact. "Tell me how you feel about it."

"How I feel?" Spencer laughed bitterly. "Confused? Lied to? There's so much I feel that I just can't even feel anything. Whose idea was it, to keep this a secret?

"Both of ours. We agreed on it when we took you home."

"Have you ever seen those movies? Where keeping the adoption from the child is the worse idea ever?" For the most part, she could see her father wanting to sweep it under the rug, much like he did with Jason. But her mother?

"We were going to talk to you once you turned eighteen, but when you did-"

"When I did A was still happening." She finished the thought for the older woman, who nodded in agreement.

"And when that torture finally ended, you still had so much to process, we didn't wan to add to it. I know it was wrong of us, of me… but I couldn't find it in me to hurt you again." Seeing her mother cry was hard. In her mind, even when she was a child, her mama was the strongest woman in the world, she was a badass that put people right back in their places, all while planning the prettiest Christmas dinner. That act was crumbling right in front of her eyes.

Spencer reached out to wipe her mother's tears. "I can't say I understand, because I don't. But I guess you did what you thought was right at the time." She shrugged. She felt a migraine greeting her and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Thank you, for saying that." Veronica was truly grateful. The young woman she had raised was amazing, and she was so proud of her. Spencer not having her DNA was the last thing on her mind, she knew some of her personality came from it, but she also knew her fierceness and courage came from her upbringing.

Spencer was discharged a few days later. This time she was the one who made the decision not to accept any medication to let her sleep. She didn't know if getting shot by her ex's step sister -and finding out she had been lied to her face her whole life- was tougher than the time she spent at the doll house. But this time she was determined to fight her own demons.

It took her a lot of convincing to be allowed back in the barn. Veronica and Peter wanted her inside the house, no matter what. But the young woman wanted her privacy, even if it was to bawl her eyes out and grieve the life she never had. She had been napping on her comfy couch when she heard a knock on the door. After everything she had been through, long gone were the days where she slept like a rock. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she slowly walked towards the door, feeling the pull on her stitches if she moved too fast.

She opened the door to find a sheepish Toby right outside her door. Squinting her eyes, to make sure she was seeing straight.

"Toby?" not being able to hide she was surprised by his visit. She let him in. He didn't look so good, not that Spencer did, herself. Being shot and in a car accident kind of redeemed them from looking their best the following weeks.

"Can we talk?" He got inside the barn with the aid of his crutches, not before signaling to Emily -who was still at the Hasting's gate- that Spencer had let him in. The brunette curiously looked outside, only to see Emily had already turned around and gotten inside her car.

"Sure, I guess." Her hands were feeling clammy, so she dragged them over her jeans. There was something about having him inside the barn again that made her feel nervous. Maybe it was because the last time he was there, he confessed he started building the house for her. That very same house she proceeded to buy right after it was put on the market. It may have been a stupid move, because she knew from the beginning she had no intentions of living in that house.

"I thought you'd be back on your way to Maine by now."

"Yeah. That's not going to happen anymore." He balanced himself in one foot. It was only when she saw him struggle, that she got over the shock of him being there and told him to make himself comfortable.

"Why? You just saw first hand what they are capable of. I'd be halfway across the country right now, if I had the chance." Toby sighed, mainly because she wasn't getting the bigger picture.

"Life plays tricks on us like that." He shrugged. "Spencer…" The way he said her name, dragging the sound of each letter, reminded her of when they were together. He always did that when he wanted her to stop and listen to him.

Spencer found herself sitting on the couch next to him. Close enough to hear if he whispered, but far enough that none of their limbs were touching.

"Yvonne broke up with me." She scrunched up her face and opened her mouth to question why. "I told her. About the book. And the kiss." At lost for words, he swallowed hard.

"Toby. Why?"

"I couldn't keep it from her. I promised to always be honest to her. It wasn't fair not to." He replied silently, looking at his hands. Spencer hid her face in both of her hands. They had broken up because of her, she had the right to feel ashamed.

"I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to make a mess. I just wanted to say goodbye." Through teary eyes, he nodded, acknowledging her reasons.

"That's beside the point, Spence. Yvonne broke up with me to give us a chance. She said it was her turn to be the bigger person."

Spencer tipped her head to the side, as if the movement would help her understand the situation better. Her broken heart shattered.

"But you're only here because _she_ broke up with you." She offered, sadly. If he hadn't told her about their kiss, it wouldn't have been the last straw and he would be recovering by Yvonne's side.

"She gave me an out, I couldn't break up with her. I couldn't because-" He panicked a little, it was true. Had Yvonne accepted that the kiss was just a goodbye, and that he had no leftover feelings for Spencer, he wouldn't be at her door.

"Because you love her." Stating the obvious never hurt this much.

"Yeah." Toby scratched his head, and felt his throat begin to parch. Knowing right away it was the knot he felt before he started crying. "But I love you, too."

"You said, that night, right in this spot that you couldn't live without her." And there she was again, stating the obvious.

"When Emily told me Jenna shot you. And that you were unconscious, I may or may not have forgotten Yvonne was also hurt in a hospital bed. Even if it was just for a few seconds. I forgot about her, Spencer. What does that say about me?" The waterworks didn't take long to start. He was crying in earnest, and that made her shed a few tears as well. "I love her, I know I do. But I love you. I thought I didn't anymore, or at least I thought I'd always have feelings for you because you were the first woman I've ever loved. But at that moment I knew that wasn't the reason. It's because I love you. Period." He had such honesty in him that sometimes she felt like shaking him, just so he would snap out of it.

"I love you, Spencer." He tried again, and she listened. Maybe she didn't have it in her to process it. But she heard.

"I love you, too. But, Toby, there's nothing we can do about it. Not right now." The heavy breath that left her lips made her tremble. It would've been easy to fall back into his arms and pretend nothing ever happened. Her heart felt so tight, she thought she'd throw up at any moment.

"Why, what do you mean?" The sounds coming from her mouth just didn't make sense to him. Was she being serious?

"We're both too hurt to deal with this." When his eyes fell to his cast, she was quick to tell him wrong. "No, not physically. Toby, you were going to marry her. Yvonne breaking up with you shouldn't be so easy to get over." He was in denial, but soon he'd be mourning that relationship, and she knew he had to pick himself up, otherwise he might resent her forever. "You have to heal. Your heart has to heal before anything else."

The nod her gave her was almost involuntary. What she said made sense, but that didn't mean he wanted to understand. He didn't want to understand. He wanted her. And she didn't want him to be with her, just because Yvonne broke his heart.

"I want to be with you." He chocked, trying to take her hands in his. She laughed a sad laugh.

"I do, too. Believe me. More than anything. Just not like this." She brought her hands to his face, and rubbed both her thumbs across his cheeks, lovingly. "Give yourself time to heal. We'll meet again when it's our time".

"Even if it's a year from now?"

"Even if it's a decade from now". Her smile was honest, he took her hands in his and squeezed them. It wouldn't take him that long to heal.


	2. Chapter One

AN: Thank you, those who reviewed, for the kind words, I wasn't expecting any of it. One particular guest blew my mind with their kind words. 3  
Thank you, everyone else, for reading this. (:

Also, my writing sound track for this story is basically Tyler Hilton's song I Believe in You, and that's where I got the title.

* * *

Spencer smiled as she stepped inside the Hastings' residence for the first time in over a year. Her parents knew she was coming, but were both at work, so they left a bouquet of lilies and a tin of butterscotch on the coffee table, a white card with gold engravings set right beside, with her name written on it to welcome her. She chuckled when she opened the card, to find out it read ' _We don't care if you're not seven anymore. Love, Mom and Dad_.'

She gingerly opened the tin and helped herself to one of the candies. Plopping on the sofa seemed like such a good idea after the plane ride. If she knew her parents as well she thought she did, it'd be long before they were home. So she decided to take a nap on the couch, when she rose from sleep, around 45 minutes later, she dragged her suitcase up to her old bedroom and took a warm, long shower.

The barn was probably waiting for her, but a visit to her bedroom couldn't do her any harm. A nice, flowery sundress and a pair of duo toned oxfords awaited her on the bed after her shower, she had sat them there beforehand. She got dressed and fixed her hair with no rush. The cellphone on the bed chirped just as Spencer was putting on small pearl earrings. A message from Aria lit up her screen and she smiled. It had been a while since she'd seen her tiny friend, and she missed her dearly.

Making sure she had her phone securely in her dress' pocket and that she locked all of the doors, Spencer hopped onto the S.U.V parked in the driveway. It was the same car she drove a year ago, when she was in Rosewood the last time. The car she drove in high school and college was parked at her rental place in D.C. Veronica and Peter almost begged her to sell that old thing and lease a new car, but the young woman refused, her car ran just fine, but she agreed not to drive it back to Rosewood, both times.

The sun was high in the sky as she parked right outside the Brew, now owned by Aria. The small brunette changed it just enough so that it had a new feeling to it, but still had that old Brew vibe that the small town's resident knew and loved. Mostly, she improved the book store section of it, Rosewood didn't have many book stores, and most avid readers had to surrender to the public libraries, or driving to Philadelphia if they wanted to own their own copy of their favorite books. Now they could trust that Aria had all the new releases lined up for her clientele.

Spencer walked in and scanned the room in search of her friend. Not being able to find her at first sight, the tall brunette decided she'd do the second best thing. Order some iced coffee. After paying for her cup, she went in search for a place to sit, but not before taking a sip of the cold drink. She missed Rosewood coffee, freshly grinded beans were her favorite. There was something old fashioned and artisanal about it, she tried to replicate it in her home, but found everything she tried tasted machinery and artificial.

Right as she spotted her old favorite couch to seat, Aria appeared in the corner of her vision. The small brunette was balancing two heavy looking boxes.

"Aria, there you are." Spencer smiles, setting her plastic cup on a random coffee table then proceeding to take one of the boxes out of the small woman's grasp. They were heavy, indeed, and she figured out they were most probably filled with hardcover books. They sat the boxes right beside Spencer's cup and shared an embrace. "I missed you, little one."

"I missed you too, Spence." Aria squeezed the taller one extra hard, and both of them laughed. "I'm glad you're back."

"I never thought I'd say it, but I'm glad to be back." The events from several months ago had taken its toll on Spencer, the trial for A.D. dragged itself for months. Jenna being trialed and convicted for attempted murder did little to ease her mind back then. Everyone involved had been put behind bars, and somehow, at that time, that didn't seem enough. Spencer was suffocating and she wanted out. That was the main reason she went right back to D.C. and started job hunting. It didn't take long for her to be employed again, but she was surprised that this time, she was the only one that bailed. She had kept in touch with all of the girls, and every time the Rosewood residents had a girls' night, Spencer was always on the other end of a FaceTime call.

"Well, at least it's for a good reason this time." Aria shrugged, proceeding to take a pocket knife out of her jeans' back pocket to open up the first box.

"Wow, so now you walk around armed?" Spencer leaned backwards and out of the way as Aria fought the strong tape sealing the cardboard.

"You never know when you'll be attacked." She spoke jokingly, but Spencer frowned immediately. "Relax, Spence. This is my sixth box this morning, I just kept the knife with me to make things easier."

The taller woman kept a perfect eyebrow up as she inspected the tiny one for any signs that something else might be happening.

"I'm serious. Rosewood is back to being calm and crime free. The police officers are bored out of their minds lately. The most dramatic occurrences in the past few months were occasional teenage D.U.I.s". Aria shook her head lightly, focusing her attention on unboxing the books and placing them on a dark wooden round table. Spencer immediately picked up a copy, inspecting the front cover and then turning to the back, to see a picture of her friend splattered in black and white on the yellow background.

"Seriously, Aria? You promised I'd get an autographed copy as soon as they were out." She whined, shaking the book in front of her friend's face.

"They aren't officially out yet." Aria retorted, taking the book from the other brunette's grasp and placing it on the table with the others.

"Seems pretty official to me!" Spencer flailed her hands around, pointing to all the books that were being unboxed by the author.

"The release is tomorrow, okay? We're having the signing here tomorrow night and since I'm closing the Brew for the afternoon, I thought it'd set things up beforehand." She shrugged it off, as if it wasn't all that important, but it was her first solo book. The one she and Ezra co-wrote was doing fine, and selling a fair share of copies, but since then, she worked hard on her very own characters and stories. It was the escape she had from the real world. With Nicole returning alive, and the nerves from now knowing what would happen next eating her up, she took it upon herself to end things with Ezra, so they could figure stuff out. She had given him time and space, and it was just recently that they begun to talk again. The former English teacher was very proud and excited to be the first to read Aria's draft. Turned out Nicolle had gotten really close to a guy named Ethan, who had been held captive with her. Aria understood the closeness that was forged when two people went through the same terrors together, she could relate to it.

It wasn't long before all the books were displayed nicely on the table. Spencer neatly stacked a few piles on the back while Aria did her own thing at the front. The taller one bit her tongue and suppressed the need to tell her friend that one of the books was upside down.

"We should go grab some lunch now if we want to make it to Hanna's in time. I'd rather feed you before we get there, because low blood sugar Spencer scares the crap out of me."

"Funny." Spencer childishly rolled her eyes, but made a move to grab her purse from the couch. She helped Aria close the place up, and offered her a ride. They ate lunch and chit chatted about the events to come. Sooner rather than later, they were parked right outside Hanna's fancy boutique called 'Marine'. She explained she added the 'e' to her last name because her monthly horoscope on Astrology Zone mentioned something about it, and Hanna was a die-hard Susan Miller believer.

The outside of the shop had a rather picturesque feel to it, seemed like something straight out of a classic movie, merged with the boutiques you usually only see in France. It had class, charm, exhaled an expensive fragrance and had Hanna Marin written all over it. Even with the added 'e'.

"Hey, this is one of those shops that, if I were teenage Hanna, I'd totally steal from." Spencer said purposefully loud, she had seen Hanna in the corner of her eyes and tried her hand at teasing her. She ran her hand through a silk scarf with gold details and freaked out when she felt something hit her behind.

It was no surprise that it was the blonde's hand that collided with her butt. "I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very much." Hanna grinned and embraced her friend tightly. "Be thankful the boutique is closed, if any of my costumer's heard you, I'd never hear the end of it."

"I'm only here to cause trouble." Spencer smiled. Hanna rolled her eyes and hugged Aria next, moving the girls further along the boutique. Marine Boutique was just a small part of Hanna's business, set in downtown historic Rosewood. The fashion designer's headquarters was situated at the old factory Lucas' insisted she'd take to transform into whatever she wanted. She had a studio there, where she drew the most beautiful sketches and had a number of high paid employees that would hand sew all her couture designs. One of the perks of having a billionaire friend, willing to spend his fortune on her. Not many people in the world could deem themselves that lucky.

"I'll just wait until Emily and Ali arrive to open the champagne." Hanna sat on an antique chair, poised as a princess. Spencer's eyebrow shot up once more as she silently questioned her friend.

"Come on, this is the third time I had to redraw their wedding dresses. They say third time is the charm, so I just thought we'd celebrate."

"Or get them drunk before they can say they don't like it. Again." Aria sniggered in good nature.

"Hey, there are no feathers this time, okay?" Hanna laughed as she took a throw pillow and smashed it not so gently across the hazel eyes woman's face.

"No one invited us to the pillow fight. Jeez, we definitely aren't popular anymore."

The three women turned around at the known voice, to find Alison pushing a stroller inside the boutique, Emily close by her side. Spencer was up in an instant to engulf her friends in a hug. Emily first. She knew Ali had changed, and they got along much better these days, but Emily had always been there for her. It was Emily who picked her drunk ass up and off the floor, before she could make the terrible mistake of sleeping with Detective Furey after only knowing him for about an hour. It was Emily who cared for Toby, offered him her shoulder to cry on and a place to stay when she couldn't.

"It was impromptu, but you are all welcome to join in the fun." Aria stated, after greeting her friends and peaking inside the stroller, much like Spencer was doing beside her.

"He is getting so big." Spencer awed, staring at the sleeping infant inside. He snored softly and cooed a little in his sleep. Emily and Alison would flood her weekly with pictures and videos of the baby, but it was nice to finally see him in person.

"Tell me about it, he's crawling like nobody's business." Emily ran her hand through the baby's blond hair softly, before sitting down next to Ali on the couch. The former ring leader had confessed her feelings for Emily early during her pregnancy with Archer's baby. Their journey wasn't as smooth as everyone hoped it would, but it took its turn for the right, right before Levi was born. They had been living together since before the baby was born, and Em was a true parent to him. He was growing to know and love both of his mamas, and Mrs. Fields was thrilled to have a grandson.

It wasn't until a few months ago that Emily and Alison decided to make things official and tie the knot. Both women had beautiful diamond rings on their left hand and Hanna had taken up the job of designing both of them stunning wedding gowns. So far, both sets of dresses she drew screamed Hanna Marin, and none of them winked Emily Fields, and that was why they all had decided to spend the afternoon together. Hanna had promised they would love the new dresses, and she toned Emily's down a great deal which made her all the more excited to share the sketches with her friends.

"Thank you for being here, Spence." Emily offered the visitor a smile and squeezed her hand.

"There's nowhere else I would rather be at a time like this." Spencer smiled back.

Sure, her best friends getting married to each other was a hell of a good reason to come back to Rosewood, but she would be lying if she said it was the only reason. She was happy it was one of them, though. She cherished time with her friends now more than ever before.

"Okay, can I bust that champagne open now? I'm so excited for you to see your dresses!" Hanna exclaimed, hurrying behind the counter to get five flutes and a bottle of Moet & Chandon. She passed along the filled flutes; Spencer eyed Ali closely as she simply set the glass on the coffee table in front of her. Hanna muttered an apology, having forgotten that Levi was still breastfeeding.

The designer showed off the sketches of the front and back of both dresses to the girls, keeping Emily's a secret from Alison and the other way around.

"Hanna, this is gorgeous. Thank you!" the raven haired woman hugged the the blonde one tightly.

"You are very welcome. But," She called out as she hugged Alison in return as well. "I have to put some Swarovski somewhere. Please, you _need_ the sparkle. I promise I won't go overboard." Holding both hands up in the air, she cheered as both brides agreed.

"Now, about the bridesmaids and maid of honors dresses." Hanna started and both Alison and Emily shifted in their seats softly.

"What, what is it?" Aria asked, conscious of both of them being uncomfortable.

"We need to talk about that, actually." Alison scratched her head a bit, and turned to her fiancée, "Maybe you should tell them, Em." The blonde bride bailed.

"Fine." Emily sighed. She stopped for a few seconds to gather her words. "We love the three of you very much, and you know you all are a great part of our lives."

"Wait, is someone uninvited? Because I can smell unnecessary drama." Spencer cracked up, sipping her champagne.

"No one is uninvited, but the pain in the ass ceremonialist is only allowing us one maid of honor each, because we clearly are just the usual couple." She sniggered.

Hanna's ears automatically tuned in and her eyes bulged, they had her undivided attention.

"So, that means two of you will be maid of honors, and one will just be a bridesmaid."

"And? Who has been demoted?" Hanna quipped, prepared to mockingly pretend to tear the sketched if she had been picked to be a simple bridesmaid. Aria lovingly kicked her shin.

"Actually, we managed to work things to a T." Alison turned to Emily's aid, sensing the tan woman was getting uncomfortable.

"We're all ears."

"We figured Aria and Hanna could do that job, because Spencer, we kind of wanted you to be Levi's Godmother." She slowly turned to her cousin, who looked very much surprised.

"Wait, what? Are you serious?" Spencer's eyes softened and she felt tears forming behind her eyes. Alison nodded fiercely. No one had ever asked something so special from Spencer before. She barely knew the baby, aside from FaceTime calls, and the pictures they sent her way. Having left town, a couple of weeks before he was due to be born, Spencer had just gotten hired at her new job, and couldn't possibly ask for a leave of absence to see her friends.

"I'm not sure if we can have a proper Christening, because of our, well, situation. But we figured we'd celebrate it anyway." Both cousins smiled through their unshed tears, and Spencer nodded her head.

"I'd be honored to be his Godmother." She whispered, stealing a look at the sleeping baby again.

"That's settled then, there's no turning back. I'm a maid of honor." Hanna joked, as they went back on track to their original plan. As they discussed colors for the girls' dresses, Spencer still felt lightheaded, and touched by the act.

The afternoon ended with Aria slightly tipsy, Hanna drowning Alison in a sea of white taffeta, and Spencer getting acquainted with her Godson, bouncing the little boy on her knee and smiling widely every time he laughed at her.

"You're good with him." Emily acknowledged when Spencer placed him back on his stroller, as they were all preparing to leave. The baby's chin quivered at the loss of human touch, and his new godmother ran a hand through his head to sooth him.

" _You_ are good with him, Em. I'm really proud of the woman you've become."

Alison said her goodbyes to the girls and left with Hanna to settle Levi in his car seat. Aria stole the keys to Spencer's SUV as she answered a phone call and giggled all the way to the car.

"Spence, have you talked to Toby yet?" They slowly strolled to the street they were parked at.

"I think I need a couple more glasses of that Chandon if we're going to talk about this right now." Spencer sighed. Emily meant well, but she had just gotten back in town, there was so much on her mind already. She was going to help as she could with the wedding – and now christening – plans, she was supposed to help her mom start planning for the next campaign. Even if the elections were far away, a Hastings always needed to be prepared. "But no, I haven't. I literally landed in Philly, came to Rosewood, crashed on my parent's couch for a while; then I met up with Aria and now I'm here. There wasn't much room for anything else, really."

Truth was, she was kind of dreading their encounter. While the whole trial was going on, they had been civil to each other, but kept their distance. She gave him time and he gave her space. Seeing him suffer because another woman broke his heart was painful for her. As each hearing took place, Toby's leg slowly healed; and just as he went back to his old job of being a cop, Spencer left to clear her head the best way a Hastings could. Drowning themselves at work.

E-mails had been exchanged, every now and then, and on special occasions. It'd be a lie to say she didn't have a few drafts pilling up in her unsent folder, as she consciously forgot to hit send on a few particularly emotional digital letters.

Emily just nodded, not pushing it any further. She was about to open her mouth to say something else, but they were close enough to their cars to hear Levi screaming.

"Em, I'm sorry, we need to go." Alison said, closing the backdoor of her car.

Emily nodded and silently apologised to Spencer. "He hates the car seat. We'll talk later, ok?"

The taller woman nodded and waved goodbye, walking to her own car and getting behind the wheel.

"So, are you up for crashing a family dinner with the Hastings?" Spencer asked turning on the engine, a tinge of hope in her voice. Aria shook her head laughing and motioned her to drive.

* * *

Paper balls flew across the room and vibrant chatter marked the almost end of a day's work. Out of boredom, the police officers had been playing basketball using a bin and every single paper sheet that would otherwise already be sitting in that trash can.

Toby didn't particularly feel like playing today, but he was also bored out of his mind. The whole week had gone by without a single occurrence, other than an old lady's missing cat. He felt like a teenager again, drawing under the table as he wished the minutes away so he could go home. Home now was a small loft he rented, in the same building as a few of his single work buddies. A hole floor was now inhabited by officers from Rosewood P.D; but it was a cheap rent, one of the guys was saving up money to buy his girlfriend a wedding ring; Toby was saving money to pursue a trip he had planned months ago. He already had more than he felt he needed saved up, it was the courage department that could use a little help.

The clock finally reached 7:00 as the men cleared up the mess before Tanner's head appeared through her door.

"Cavanaugh, we're gonna grab some drinks, you coming?" Matthew, one of his coworkers and neighbor asked, as a few of guys got their jackets from their chairs and left the precinct.

"Thanks, but I've got plans tonight." Toby carefully closed the sketchbook he was drawing in and placed it under his keyboard. He got up and, as everyone else, grabbed his jacket from behind his chair and moved to leave. Matthew only whistled and followed the other men out.

Just as he walked outside, he saw his dinner date sitting on the steps that led to the station.

"Hey, Em, thanks for waiting." He placed a hand on her shoulder lightly, then offered that same hand to help her up. She complied, patting her jeans after she got up, just in case any debris clung to it.

"Hey, is the Grille okay for dinner this week? I know we don't usually go there when it's our Thursday, but Levi is fussy and I wanted to be close to home, just in case Ali needs me." Thursday night dinner was a sacred agreement between the two friends. It was the only day of the week Emily left Ali and Levi alone at home at night, to join Toby for some much needed one-on-one time. Every now and then the couple invited him to have dinner at their place, but it was different, those were family dinners and Thursday nights were best friends' night out.

"Sure, it's no problem at all, Em." Toby smiled brightly. Even if her baby was fussy at home, Emily always made time for him. He was sure it was nothing serious, as they usually rescheduled at the first sign of a temperature on the baby, but he was glad anyway.

"Are you coming to Aria's signing tomorrow night?" She asked as they strolled to the restaurant where they met up hundreds of times in the past few years.

"I don't think I'd hear the end of it if I didn't." Toby laughed a little, he had forgotten Hanna's birthday party last year, and they talked his ears off for weeks.

"Good, because I'll have something for you there." Smiling mischievously, she let him open the door for the Grille in front of her. Just like Spencer, Emily was a feminist, but Toby took pleasure in doing the smallest things for the girls, it took some time to get used to it, but as the months went by, they got used to Gentleman Toby. Hanna even slapped Caleb once, and asked him why he never opened the door for her.

"Anything I should be worried about?" He cocked an eyebrow, but his stomach slowly dropped. The last time anyone had a surprise for him, it ended badly.

"It's nothing, I just finally finished that book I said I'd lend you, that's all." She laughed and picked them a table to sit at. "But we were planning on going to get some drinks afterwards, if you're up for it. We're taking Levi, but my mom will be picking him up before his bedtime."

"Sure, I have nothing planned for afterwards." He tried to get Emily's attention, but she was focusing on another couple, sitting on the furthest end of the establishment.

"When did that happen?" She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head every so slightly towards them.

"What, Marco and Yvonne?" His shoulders slouched a little and when she nodded, he shrugged.

"He, uh, talked to me about it a few weeks ago, and then so did she."

"Didn't see that coming." Emily blinked as she watched Marco paying for the bill and leading Yvonne through the door.

"It's fine, Em. Really. We've been apart for more than a year and a half. I'm glad she's happy." He decided to focus his attention on the menu in front of him, pretending not to know it by heart.

"I didn't even know she was back in town."

"She's not. Well, she kind of is. She doesn't live here anymore, but she comes back every once in a while, you know why." He sighed, a bit frustrated, he was ready to end that subject before Grouchy Toby paid them a visit. He was not a stalker; it didn't help that everyone thought he was so god damn nice they thought they should run everything by him. Grouchy Toby once called Detective Fury Leftover Marco. But at the end of the day he knew he had let her go. Yvonne and him barely talked, she rarely came back into town to visit her family, and now to see Marco, most times he was the one who traveled. When Yvonne and Marco realized there was something else going on between them aside from friendship, they decided to ease Toby into it, as if they owed him something. Toby greets them, when they cross paths, they talk about the weather and how busy or not they are. They keep it civil, but there's nothing more there. And he is kind of glad he doesn't have to witness their relationship, not that he is bitter about it, it just feels weird to be around them.

"Alright, next topic then."

"Is this the part of our conversation where you tell me Spencer's in town?" He asked straight up, Emily was caught off guard.

"How did you know?"

"I saw her drop Aria off by the Brew while I was doing rounds." Spencer practically had to carry tipsy, giggly Pixie inside. "She didn't see me though. So I think there's still time to pack up and run away?" He laughed nervously.

"You are done running." Emily stated firmly, slapping the menu she was holding back onto the table.

"I'm not running away, okay? I'm not."


End file.
